Hey Uber, Hey: Your Complaints Are My Blueprint

So I did this thing.

I built a master Excel spreadsheet of complaints. Not for my business, mine hasn’t even launched yet. No, this was a deep dive into the dirty laundry of Lyft, Instacart, DoorDash, and, of course, the trailblazer-slash-trainwreck: Uber. Always gotta give props to the OG. But oh gee… the complaints are massive.

I capped my list at 384,216 because I got bored once they started becoming repetitive. These complaints multiply like Nick Cannon’s baby mamas.

Uber, you hurt me the most. You’re bankrolling billions but running your business like you fell from Beverly Hills to Fig (L.A natives know). You’ve got the money, but you’ve let the quality go straight Carter-era (shoutout to my New Jack City fans).

But for real… thanks. Because your mess has helped me carve an untapped lane.

And just like this lovely country makes profit off debt, I’m making tech off complaints. My workaround? Sick. My competitive advantage? Stupid strong.

Here’s the play: People ask, “Why dig through other companies’ complaints?” And to them, I say: aww, you’re not an innovative thinker yet.

Let me run game.

When a guy wants a woman who’s already taken, what does he do? He appeals to what her man isn’t doing. If her man doesn’t compliment her, he tells her she’s gorgeous 1 million times a day. If her man doesn’t take her shopping, he sends her a Cash App note that says, “Enjoy yourself.”

Same concept. I’m collecting intel to steal customers.

• Shoddy customer service? I’ll do better.

• Safety issues? Fixed before launch.

• Half-baked tech? Not in my house.

I expect tech to fix problems, not create new ones. But these companies get a massive following, then stop reinvesting in the service that got them there. They let quality slide, safety slip, and customer trust evaporate.  Greed could be the motivating factor but eventually the switch flips.

So today’s lesson: Debt pays, and so do complaints. I’m a data geek, so this was fun. But for you? Do your homework. Watch how fast you can change the game.

The internet is the source.